Life After Hogwarts: A Look Inside (by Rita Skeeter, probably)

After defeating Voldemort and saving the wizarding world from death and despair, Harry decides it is time for a change of scenery and applies for medical school. However, he drops out after one year to spend more time with Ginny and the twelve dogs they adopted. After sending the children off to school, Ginny finally decides to pursue her modelling career. She wins award upon award and her new job sends her off to destinations all over the world. Feeling neglected and alone at home, Harry disguises himself as a hunchback to escape the spotlight for a while. He uses his knowledge of the human anatomy to befriend Victor Frankenstein, a medical student living in London. He adopts the name “Igor” and becomes Victor’s partner in conducting scientific experiments. When Harry receives Ginny’s owl to inform him that she is returning home for good, he fakes Igor’s death and goes back to his job at the Ministry.

Ron discovers his love for the spotlight after largely living in Harry’s shadow for the greatest part of his life. He decides to bury his history of enmity with Draco Malfoy and together they feature in the Fall Lookbook of “Band of Outsiders”. Following this sudden fame in the muggle world, he voices the character “Josh” in the animated comedy film “Postman Pat”. Realizing the incredible voice he has been blessed with, Ron pursues a singer career under the stage name “Ed Sheeran”, proving to be very popular in the muggle community. Rumor also has it that he has bewitched his hair to serve as the Olympic Torch in the 2012 Olympic Games.

Hermione finally cuts off her signature hair and makes history with her new pixie cut. Realizing that her haircut drew more attention than her heroic deeds and her contribution in saving everyone from Voldemort, she revives the campaign for house elf rights she started during her time at school. She also extends this project to women rights all over the world and draws a lot of attention from the muggle community. A new icon of human rights and gender equality, Hermione is frequently spotted on the muggle red carpet with her impeccable style which awards her with countless trophies and front covers. Chaos reigns when the film “Beauty and the Beast” is released with a Hermione-doppelganger cast in the leading role. Hermione promises fans – both wizards and muggles – that she has nothing to do with this movie.

Neville stays quite consistent. Before settling down at Hogwarts in the position of the Herbology professor, he goes through a brief fitness-obsessed phase. He tries to make it as a personal trainer, but after getting his heart broken by his girlfriend, Louisa Clark, he accepts that his life is meant to be lived among wizards and plants. In an interview with Neville, Rita Skeeter writes that Luna Lovegood played a significant role in healing his broken heart. However, this is never confirmed. When asked about her relationship with Neville, Luna says she suspects Rita has been abducted by Nargles and that she needs our help. Luna is known for the work she is doing to continue the legacy of Dumbledore’s Army, now the Harry Potter Alliance – a non-profit organisation to support the legalization of same sex marriage.

Hagrid shaved. And got a haircut. And bought a suit. That’s it.

Image via Pixar Wiki

Professor McGonagall uses her power as the new headmistress to persuade the rest of the staff to let her direct and produce a self-written musical “Gon-a-Girl”. Rita Skeeter once again meddles in Hogwarts-business and after an in-depth review on the musical, reveals McGonagall’s past life at the St. Anne Academy in the 1960’s.

Image via Pinterest
Image via Pinterest

Dean Thomas still suffers from severe PTSD from the battle. He attends the Dumbledore’s Army-reunions and sends Christmas cards to Harry, Ron and Neville from where is living in Philadelphia, working as an intern for a criminal defense attorney, Annalise Keating.

Image via Look Live

Please note that this article is clearly based on extremely true facts. No fiction here whatsoever.


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